


If you leave me, my heart won't take it

by Fangirl_since1234



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Jeon Wonwoo-centric, M/M, My First AO3 Post, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 05:32:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14513601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirl_since1234/pseuds/Fangirl_since1234
Summary: "The things you hide in your heart, eat you alive."





	If you leave me, my heart won't take it

**Author's Note:**

> This rare ship deserves more love \\._./ 
> 
> I apologize in advance n.n"

People are used to say that love is hard to find. That love is just an illusion, it’s fake, it doesn’t exist. Some say it’s temporary, like the flavor on bubblegums. People are used to see things negatively to avoid being disappointed when love doesn’t come to them. When they get their hearts broken and their feelings smashed. It’s a mechanism of self-defense, a modern instinct.

 

Wonwoo used to be amongst those people. He wasn’t quite pessimistic, but he didn’t get his hopes up. He learned to be satisfied with his heavy books and warm coffees. He wasn’t looking for love, sure, he yearned it in the bottom of his heart but wasn’t brave enough to go and find it.

 

Until him.

 

The current Wonwoo would be one of the few trying to fight against the negativism of most people. He would be out there giving hope to lone souls like he once was.

 

His eyes would shine alive trying to figure out where to begin. Love isn’t something like you have experienced before, it’s not the same love for family and friends. This love is different, stronger, like fire. It begins like a small flame of hope.

 

_Could it be?_

 

That flame grows stronger over time, hotter. It burns, it melts a long-time frozen soul, an iced heart you didn’t know lived in your chest. And it melts the ice way faster than expected, and suddenly it all turns colorful, there’s hope again.

 

That’s how Wonwoo would try to explain someone what is like to find love.

 

“Done~”, Wonwoo’s hands had always been skillful, even now, he is able to do delicate arrangements to the flowers in the vases around the house. A little hobby to keep him occupied.

 

The subtle scent of different flowers flows in the air, it’s inevitable for Wonwoo to not think in him. Their scent reminds him to the sweet scent he always carries, something like honey. His voice also reminds him of honey, thick, warm, and powerful. The countless times his voice had lulled him to sleep, he only sleeps well if he has him saying soft words into his ear. His soft skin, even since the first moment, his skin had seemed like silk to Wonwoo, an ache to touch it, to crave it, to be safe in it. Softer than silk and warmer than a fluffy blanket.

 

“Let’s see…” Wonwoo’s eyes scan the living room, everything is now organized, well, almost everything. A set of worn out books are scattered around the sofa and the small table. Their pages show a clear sign of usage, books that had been read over and over again.

 

Wonwoo picks them all up and arranges them carefully in the shelf over the biggest sofa, next to the curtained window. Books had been in Wonwoo’s life since he can remember, even before Seungkwan, they were his only love.

 

 

 

 

_“Hey Wonwoo! You’re early today, what a miracle,” Mingyu greeted and was followed by the chuckle of the rest of the group. Yes, it was rare for Wonwoo to arrive early to anything, most of the time he was so distracted reading something that time awareness was no longer a thing._

 

_“Ha ha, how funny Mingyu,” lowering his book, the older made an attempt to hit his tall friend with the book. “I’m only early because I was nearby shopping for books.”_

 

_Slowly, everyone took place around the table and started chatting and Wonwoo returned to his book, too mesmerized with the plot to realize someone had sat next to him._

 

_“Is that the book you bought?” A soft curious voice pulled him out of his reading. He was ready to answer sarcastically -since most of his friends asked jokingly that all the time-, but since he noticed Seungkwan’s sincere curiosity, he bit his tongue back._

 

_“Uhm yeah… I’ve waited a lot for reading this one, it’s the sequel to one of my favorite books…” Seungkwan’s attentive gaze had him keep talking and explaining himself to the younger boy. Safe to say he was not used to this kind of exchange, therefore the slight pink on his cheeks didn’t take long to appear. “So, yeah… That’s why I’m so eager to read it.”_

 

_“Oh, I bet it is a good book if you like it so much,” a kind smile was drawn in Seungkwan’s lips as he leaned a bit forward._

 

_“Well, I can lend you the book if you like,” Wonwoo was quick to offer, not so often someone was interested in the same books as him and he didn’t expect Seungkwan to be that someone. Even if the younger was in his circle of friends, they didn’t interact much, they were kind of ‘sit-next-to-me-in-class friends’._

 

_“Hmm… I would prefer if you read it to me sometime, you have a nice reading voice,” the younger boy smiled further and opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Seokmin. Seungkwan’s attention shifted towards the smiling boy and began talking to him, leaving behind a stunned Wonwoo._

 

__

 

He can’t help to chuckle at the memory, Wonwoo was always stunned with Seungkwan’s straightforwardness. The younger isn’t afraid to state clearly what he thinks and wants. Wonwoo admires him for that, someone shy like him has a hard time expressing himself, but Seungkwan is kind enough to help him with that, he has the necessary patience to handle Wonwoo.

 

The books now look fine over the shelf, arranged by sizes. Wonwoo smiles satisfied and turns towards the sofa where his current lecture is waiting. He catches the glimpse of a forgotten a glass and clicks his tongue, Seungkwan is always leaving stuff around the house. He grabs the glass and goes towards the kitchen to wash it. Since there are also other dirty dishes, he washes them all.

 

Unlike most people, washing dishes is an activity he enjoys, he likes the peace that comes with it. Water, soap, rinse, dry, and the process repeats. Meanwhile, Wonwoo whistles or hums to the songs he likes, moving his body slightly from side to side. He enjoys himself.

 

 

 

 

_Wonwoo loves music, even if it means being surrounded by a bunch of strangers who just move their bodies against one another._

 

_He had let Junhui convince him to go party at a club. Unsurprising, most of theirfriends had showed up as well. All of them were in the mood to do nonsense, so it quite didn’t surprise Wonwoo when the majority got drunk pretty quickly._

 

_He wasn’t the type to drink that much and neither Junhui. So for almost the entire night, they ignored the drunk bunch and danced with each other._

 

_After the very tiring week Wonwoo had had, he didn’t think twice to throw his inhibitions through the window. He ended up being an unexpected sight to watch that night, not that his friends would remember. Upon taking Jun as his dance partner, it was only matter of time they both started going closer and closer to the other’s body._

 

_Warm hands and flirty smiles. Somehow they appeased the aching feeling in Wonwoo’s heart. The same that threaten him to consume him. He always tried to ignore it, but deep down he knew being alone wasn’t really his forte. Jun helped fill that void just fine, it was a temporary solution. They both knew the true behind their actions but decided to ignore it. After all, they being doing this thing every once and then for the past years._

 

_Though that night it felt different. Wonwoo couldn’t quite pinpoint what was bothering him. Jun was acting his part as perfectly as ever, muting his heartache like he had learned to do, it couldn’t be him. Usually, the older’s presence would calm Wonwoo but that night he only seemed to get more and more restless as the time passed. At some point, he walked away from the dance floor to breath. Then, he noticed how drunk the rest were, laughing at every nonsense with dumb smiles. He gave them a sad smile -again, not that they will remember or notice-, and walked away from the fleeting warmth._

 

_The night was colder outside the club. Wonwoo found himself shivering right away while waiting for a cab to arrive. He was so busy trying to warm his hands that almost jumped out of his skin when a hand was placed on his shoulder._

 

_Seungkwan._

 

_Once he noticed the younger, he relaxed and gave him a small smile. Since he had spent most of the night trying to get drunk on Jun’s presence, he had barely registered that Seungkwan was also there. And damned he was for not noticing._

 

_In the darkness of the club he would had never noticed, but under the neon light of the signs around them and the pale yellow of the light posts, Wonwoo was astonished. All those lights gave Seungkwan a surreal halo, like an angel. His perfect skin glowed softly and effortless, his eyes carried a subtle color that made it difficult to turn your gaze away from them, the shirt he was wearing was only one button less than usual, but it was enough to show a peak of his collarbones and more of that soft-looking skin, and his lips, Wonwoo had the hardest time trying not to stare at his tempting peach-lips._

 

_He was so impressed that couldn’t register the words that came out of those perfect lips._

 

_“Uhm... what?” Wonwoo blinked like he had waken up from day dreaming, which only caused a giggle on Seungkwan._

 

_“I said,” the younger repeated with a teasing smile. “Do you need a ride? I don’t mind dropping you by the dorm.”_

 

_Just like an angel when most needed, Wonwoo was quick to accept the help. “Yeah, thanks!”_

 

_Seungkwan giggles again and grabbed his hand to guide him. “The car’s this way.”_

 

_The younger’s hands were as soft as silk, but that wasn’t what grabbed Wonwoo’s attention._

 

_They were warm._

 

 

 

 

Wonwoo recalls how that night changed their relationship for good. They are now living together thanks to that night when every good action ended up with bad luck because Seungkwan’s car broke down just as they arrived to Wonwoo’s home, making the younger stay for the night.

 

After that night they became closer than ever. They changed from being those awkward friends to joined-by-the-hip friends.

 

And things changed further after that study afternoon -months ago- with Seungkwan by his side. The best memory from that awful day was the younger holding his hand, telling him that everything would be alright, that hope was the last thing to be lost.

 

A frown appears in Wonwoo’s face as he thinks what could have been of his life without Seungkwan, he can’t see it.

 

He is safe now, in their home, where nothing can reach nor harm them.

 

Wonwoo wraps himself even further in the blanket that’s around him now. It was getting late, cold. The dim light from the chimney in front wasn’t enough to warm his frozen bones.

 

_I hope he gets home fast._

 

He wouldn’t like to admit it but, he hates feeling lonely when Seungkwan isn’t there. In their relationship, surprisingly it was the younger who filled the brave role. Not that Wonwoo would complain, he got scared easily.

 

 

 

 

_“Wonwoo, what have you done?” Seungkwan grabbed carefully his hands._

 

_The older boy refused to meet his gaze, eyes trained in the ground. “I-I... I’m sorry...” It was an accident, Wonwoo has hurt now because of his own wrong doing._

 

_Seungkwan clicked his tongue but didn’t say a word. He silently began to bandage Wonwoo’s broken hand and clean the small cuts. His hands always tender, warm and loving._

 

_“I know that you’re trying to be courageous,” he began slowly. “But you don’t have to pretend with me, Nonu, it hurts, let me take care of you.”_

 

_He kissed his hands softly and only then Wonwoo raised his head, tears streaming down his face. Seungkwan was just trying to help him undo his own mistakes and now he was in pain. Wonwoo knee how much it pained the younger one to see him in that helpless state._

 

_His heart ached greater than his hands._

 

_Without words, Wonwoo’s head rested on Seungkwan’s chest. Once again, soft hands traced inside his hair. “I’m sorry Kwannie... I just wanted to be perfect for you...”_

 

_“Shhh... Don’t say that, Nonu... I love just the way you are, okay? Don’t change a bit for me.”_

 

 

 

 

Seungkwan is a real angel for Wonwoo. He’s there when the older needs him most, he’s there even in the ugly sides of him, he’s there to pick up the pieces each time.

 

What did he do to deserve Seungkwan?

 

That’s something that Wonwoo questions each day. A dull soul like his usually don’t get love from bright souls, and Seungkwan is the brightest soul he has ever met. The only one who stays with him.

 

Wonwoo’s no longer reading the book, he’s just holding it tightly to his chest, like a shield for his fragile heart.

 

He still wonders how Seungkwan has all the patience in the world, he never gave up with Wonwoo. It took the older boy a lot in himself to realize he was in love with his angel.

 

How couldn’t he realize that before? When it was Seungkwan the only reason he was still going. It was Seungkwan who had pulled him out of that never ending darkness. It was Seungkwan who stud by his side and collected every piece of his heart. Not Mingyu, not Junhui, Seungkwan was there when everyone else wasn’t.

 

No one would ever overcome the love he has for Seungkwan.

 

The old grandfather clock rings with it’s characteristically muted sound. Wonwoo rises from his nest with a fast beating heart, Seungkwan would be getting home any time soon.

 

A smile tries to creep in Wonwoo’s face, but he doesn’t let it, not yet. Time will go faster if he reads, so he does so. He continues with his lecture, one of his favorite books if he may add. That’s clear in the way he grips the pages, careful not to do any harm, they are worn out after so many reads.

 

The distinct sound of the front door being opened makes Wonwoo jump on his seat. Steps. The clicking of keys over the kitchen counter.

 

“Babe? I’m home,” the melodious but soft voice that Wonwoo loves so much resounds through the small house. He doesn’t waste time in getting on his feet and going towards Seungkwan.

 

Fast enough, he’s wrapping the younger in a tight hug. Funny how Wonwoo is some inches taller than Seungkwan but always feels small to his side.

 

“I missed you,” is the muted response to the unsaid question lingering in the air, Wonwoo’s face hidden in the crock of the other’s neck.

 

A soft hand finds his way towards the black hair of the taller and caresses it lovingly. “It’s okay my love, I’m here now... do you want to tell me how was your day?”

 

Wonwoo slowly comes out of hiding and begins telling Seungkwan how he finished the previous book and now is reading his favorite one again. The younger’s eyes shine brightly and attentively to what the older is telling. His hand falls from his hair to cup his face. Wonwoo slowly stops talking. It happened every time Seungkwan touches him so carefully, like he’s always about to break.

 

“I missed you too, a lot,” the younger emphasizes with an eye gesture that makes Wonwoo giggle. “College isn’t the same without you there.”

 

Wonwoo doesn’t get to reply. The distance between them becomes non-existent all of the sudden and Seungkwan’s soft lips are on his, not that he would ever complain.

 

As always, Wonwoo melts under their touch. They feel warm, like home. He doesn’t miss the sweet taste of them, a little bit more sweet than usual. It doesn’t come as a surprise when he starts feeling dizzy once again.

 

“Oh, be careful, I got you,” Wonwoo later registers that Seungkwan is guiding him towards his room, the room.

 

Wonwoo’s eyes feel heavy but he’s still conscious enough to lean towards the younger’s tender touch, it’s safe there.

 

“You’re doing so well, Nonu.”

 

 

 

 

_“You’re doing so well, Nonu,” Seungkwan had said the same that raining afternoon. It was their first kiss. They were supposed to be studying but Wonwoo’s heart had other plans. Seungkwan’s lips had tasted sweeter than candy and Wonwoo was on the floor fast enough. “Don’t worry, I will take care of you now.”_

 

 

 

 

Wonwoo is getting dizzier but it is Seungkwan’s touch what has him grounded. Seungkwan’s there for him once again.

 

A cold edge travels through Wonwoo’s skin, but he’s isn’t lucid enough to try to back away from it. Still, his mind goes faster than ever.

 

_The curtains have no windows. The curtains hide nothing. It’s just a drawing in the wall._

 

_What’s that?_

 

_The flowers had been dead for weeks, months?_

 

_A door that only opens from the outside, outside. His inside. Inside._

 

“You always make me so proud, Nonu, you’re almost there,” Seungkwan’s voice sounds far when he’s whispering right to his ear. A quick and sharp pain crosses Wonwoo’s arm. “Don’t shut up, Nonu, you know I don’t like it.”

 

The next pain comes faster and lasts longer.

 

_It’s for your own good._

 

“You know this won’t make you stronger, Nonu,” it’s a knife, Wonwoo registers after the third injury, it is a knife this time. “It would only break you harder.”

 

Seungkwan’s smiling. That’s not the smile that Wonwoo loves, but it’s still a smile. The one he loves will come later, he just has to be patient.

 

Again, the cold edge of the knife moves through his face, not cutting, and not quite cold either, it’s smeared with his blood. As always, tears fall down his face, he stopped trying to hide them long ago, they are not fear tears anyway.

 

Seungkwan hums approvingly and the knife backs away from his face. “It is prettier that way, you know? Broken canvas are the prettiest ones, anyway.”

 

Once again, a soft and melodious hum fills the room. Wonwoo’s angel has such a pretty voice, he loves it. As much as he loves his soft hands and warm lips. He loves how he will always make him feel good. There are no monsters in their home, no. Seungkwan’s there protecting him, he’s no meant to bear the pain, he should embrace it. Wonwoo will work harder, he promises. Seungkwan will be proud the next time.

 

Wonwoo loves Seungkwan, he has given his soul to the brightest and kindest angel. He is safe know.

 

The hum stops for a moment. The knife has founded its favorite spot.

 

Seungkwan loves Wonwoo -maybe too much-, but Wonwoo loves him back million times more. The sound of skin piercing is the proof of that never ending love, still, he screams.

**Author's Note:**

> He he he I'm sorry n.n" Hope you liked this fic :3 it's my first one posted here so any review is welcomed (it can help me improve) Also, if you think I should add tags or change the rating, tell me please, I'm still trying to figure out the tags haha 
> 
> You can go and yell me at any of my twitters:  
> https://twitter.com/CARAT_5SOS  
> https://twitter.com/TwistHemmo 
> 
> This fic was originally posted in Seventeen Fanfiction Amino: http://aminoapps.com/p/8e5wb1i
> 
> -Twistyy


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